EDITING+PAGE

=__Editing Directions__:=

The directions are simple:
 * 1) Please create an original title for your chapter.
 * 2) Have a few students go back and edit their chapter. During the editing process students can make any changes they feel will improve their chapter. They can add, or subtract. There are no limitations during the editing process. Please try to create strong, cohesive, well written chapters. Also, please take the chapters before and after into account as you perfect your chapter.
 * 3) When you are done editing your chapter **simply copy the new text here in the appropriate place**. **Paste in the new chapter, and delete the older version** **on this page**. Please add (**DONE**) next to your chapter title when you are finished.

I am planning on publishing the book on **March 1st**.

Thanks for your participation. The editing process is a crucial step. Hopefully, we can all do our collective part to make this a successful project. If you have any questions, or advice, please Twittter me [|@mrmayo]. Or, email me: mrmayo.org [at] gmail

Teachers: show your students what the final book will look like. http://www.lulu.com/content/2022044 You can download this ROUGH DRAFT version now as a pdf file. This may help you during the editing process. The book will cost $5.37 to purchase once we have published it. That price is EXACTLY what it cost to make. There will be no mark up. This is a 100% non-profit project!

ch. 1 The Creature **(ch.1 DONE Editing)** In the depths of New York City, on top of the Empire State Building, a creature rested. That creature was me. As I felt my life slipping away from me, I could barely remember a time when I was happy. I remembered my friends and family; like a dream. I felt like I was totally lost. It’s like I was in a scary movie. I couldn’t even see because it was so foggy. What was I going to do? Where could I go? Maybe I’d slowly creep away tonight, while the city slept and make my way back to the depths of the ocean; a place I called home. As I started down, I could still see movement in the city, so I crept lightly through dark alleys so nobody could see me. Suddenly, I saw a light turn on in a window. My eyes locked with a young woman holding a baby. She screamed and I started to run.

[|edits by Sherry])

Chapter 2 : Escaping the Past ,glassbeed (Canada) **__edited__** Snow Lake manitoba, CA Around boats and crates I run, keeping in the shadows, away from the busy city and bright lights. I dive in the dark waters, and I know who I am at last. My name is Aquamarine and you probably guessed it already but... I'm a mermaid... I wasn't always though. I was in my room. I looked out the window to see the light of the lighthouse. It was beautiful. When I looked at it directly it blinded me. I could hear the boats coming into the harbour. I could see the bright beautiful moon shining in the sky like there was nothing to worry about. As the sun rose up there were bad memories. Memories of my family, when we were all together... until fishermen came and snatched them away from me. It was about 5 years ago now. Those few moments sent shivers running up my spine. It was those moments when I heard footsteps coming up the stairs. My heart was pounding. Slowly trembling, I turned around to see who it could be, but I stopped, I couldn't help it but I started running again.

chapter 3. The First Days, Mrs. Oro's 8th grade students (New Jersey) **DONE** As I was running I thought who it could be. It might have been those fisherman again trying to snatch me. I slowly stopped running to catch my breath, as I slow down I hear a voice. A voice I haven't heard in a long time. It was a voice that brought back so much. The fury, the pain and the memory of those first days when I was alone, so very alone. This mysterious voice belonged to a man I knew far too well. This was the man who had robbed me of everything I treasured, my family.

My family, my one and only family had been torn away from me. My tears rolled down my cheeks for days and were drowned in the rushing water around me as I thought of my beloved family, gone. I always dreamed of my family, while I sat on my special rock, my tail moving gently with the waves. I searched through my mind, hoping, wishing that I could somehow connect with my family.
 * Chapter 4** @arthus & co. edited by Jennifer Dousett's students West Vancouver, BC

chapter 5. Ms. Lewman (Kansas) I slipped and fell on the pavement. The world blacked out... When I saw the world again, I also felt very slimy. The slime was starting to harden, I could feel it keeping me stuck to the ground. I tried to get up, but fell suddenly. "What will I do?" Now its really starting to harden! Soon I could die; I need help. Maybe someone could hear me, and help me. Anyone? Then all of a sudden I heard footsteps coming closer, closer. I tried to look up to see who it was, but the slime was too hard. As the footsteps drew nearer, the hairs on the back of my slender neck rose. I saw a stain of rouge on the ground near my head. "Blast it, that is defiantly NOT a fish!" The voice sounded young. There was an ear shattering crack, and the hardened slime turned to dust. I pulled my head up with the strength left in my body. I tried to open my eyes but I could only see a few faint lights glowing in the distance, I think. I couldn't tell where I was, and I could hardly see anything. I started to see a very large sillouette coming towards me. I couldn't tell what it was. The "thing" had a long, dark, tattered cloak on. I was so frightened, I suddenly fainted. When I awoke, I got on my feet and there was somebody having a campfire. I asked who he was. He said his name was Bob Flynton. Wasn't Bob Flynton the human who came to the fair several years ago...on his...mission? "There is not an exit," said Bob. "What do I do now?" I thought to myself. I looked around the campsite, there was a fence around the campsite. I could always try to talk to this guy. I wasn't sure if he was dangerous though. His long-ago mission had left us all knowing the evils that he wrought upon the fish. "Have you robbed any fish lately?" I asked him, scared of his grisly beard. He might have trouble waiting for me in his bag. "Why are you keeping me here? I demand to know why!" I said with a slight shake in my voice. He looked at me and merely said, "For reasons which I can not tell you. But you WILL find out shortly," said Bob. "But why-" I said, but Bob had just hit me over the head. I felt cold. not once in my life had i felt as cold as I had now. Numbing my limbs freezing my blood. I awoke to see ice. My Sarcophagus.

chapter 6. ***Ms. Lindsay (Qatar)** * edited by Jennifer Dousett's students West Vancouver, BC I felt fear rising up in me. I started shouting and pounding on the door, hoping for someone to hear me. Adrenaline took over my conscience, as I fought to keep the panic in me down, and all I cared about was getting out. I stopped, "There is no hope," I thought to myself. I lost determination. I began to feel a sharp pain at the end of my tail. As the scales began to peel off revealing human legs, I felt free, but confused. Only a moment ago I was a mermaid and now I am human. This arises countless new questions about my past. There was nothing to do as I fretted and closed my eyes to lull myself to sleep. I woke up in the morning, feeling all alone in this vast and pointless world. I felt strange after this transformation. I had to start a new life somewhere, somehow. Now that I was one of them, a human, I had now regained energy. I had to find the determination to start over again. I needed to make things right. I had to start living my life not knowing what this new world had in store for me. I had to deal with the facts of reality. No one could hear me. "I am alone. God, I need help. Please. answer my prayers." I pleaded to the empty mass of air. "Maybe I complain too much...maybe if I stop complaining....things will change for me." I started looking through the paper, with newfound interest in starting a new life. I contemplated all the jobs I could possibly get like Real Estate Agent, teacher…and then it came to me. I could be a Marine biologist! Perhaps it will help me figure out how to turn back into a mermaid. As I walked to the office, I bumped into a super hot young stud who was a pearl diver at the new marina. He introduced himself as Aquaman, and showed me the way to the Marine biologist's office. As we walked past, he told me about how much he loved pearl diving. It was a nice, peaceful chat and I started to relax. Suddenly a man came out of the bushes. It was Anti-Aquaman! Aquaman's arch rival. I didn't even have to look twice at this man because I knew immediately who he was. It was a face that had been burned into my mind. All my memories surfaced, and I hit the ground running. Anti-Aquaman was responsible for the disappearance of my family. After running for what seemed like forever, I thought that I had lost him. But then, all of a sudden, he jumped out of nowhere and shot out a laser beam from his unusual device. By the looks of it, I knew it could be used to destroy the aqua-world!

chapter 7. Tom Barrett (England) Suddenly aquaman pulls out a mirror and deflects the laser beam and hits anti-aquaman and knocks him out.We tie him up and find a document! The document contained pictures off my family. I was shocked i thought i had lost them forever but i was wrong. I was shocked but suddenly a shiver ran down my spine i have to find my family before its too late... I decided to start my search in the diving department. I opened the door with a shudder, to my horror there were scaly creatures inside. i SCREAMED they were dark red and scaley thay had large claws and misterious black eyes thay looked like dragons then i noticed thay were... giant pythons lurking in the depts of the darkness geting closer and closer until they atacked then one of the giant pythons grabed my leg and I was draged from the unidentified documents that nobody has ever seen before and the python cut bit me one more time but i was able to get away.I walked outside then i screemed HELP ME im being attacked, my leg was bleeding. help call an ambulance please! I woke up in the hospital and i did not no where i was i screamed as some thing approched me quickly. AHRRRRR what was the noies i thought to myself. was it a MONSTERor aTRESPASSER. Oh no what are we going to do call the police hurry then i mean it No! we will sort it out our selfs i said to myself. I walked round the corner and shot a laser beam i had took then i saw what i had done! What was i going to i needed to get more help so i went into the street and looked for help but there was nobody around i had to think I needed to find more help and fast but there was nobody around so i had to think of another plan before it's to late. the monster had wolf claws and vampire teeth and one eye it's name was phonopeos and someone broken door of the haunted mansion the person I felt dead. I tried to scream but i couldn't. I felt something sliding up my leg what could it be? it felt extreamly slimy. IT WAS A SNAKE!

chapter 8. Tod Baker (China) It was hissing words of death, "Rasmos. Andros. Senthrais." Clutching the documents I panicked and yelled, "HELP!" But no words came out. It darted its long, slender tongue and pierced its sharp yellow fangs into my flesh. The pain was unbearable. I felt dead inside. All the pain was running up my spine. I knew that my nightmare was not over!! I yelled for help as best I could, feeling my spirits fading. I closed my eyes. There was no way to escape. Then I heard footsteps. I thought that was help, but I was nervous too. Was it a bad guy? I looked back and saw a doctor. The doctor picked me up and carried me to his lab. In his lab, he started to do experiments on me. I was so excited. After the experiment, I looked at my leg. It was cut! I was so angry, so I took out a laser beam. But I couldn't shoot. There was no energy. Suddenly I saw strange syringes. I asked the doctor what they were for, but he did not answer. I felt very scared. I screamed again. Suddenly the doctor came and took me to a bed. Strangely, a rope came out and tied me up. I felt very nervous. The doctor took me somewhere, but I don't know where. I felt very strange. The doctor locked the door and ran out. When I pushed the door with my body it didn't open. So I shouted "Help me!" I think nobody heard my shout. So I felt like dying. Actually, I thought I would die. But then I breathed very fresh air. So I thought I could escape this place! I looked for an open window. I saw sunshine in the corner. I walked to it. There was an open window. I wanted to open it more but I couldn't because I was pretty tired. I looked for another exit. I saw nothing, nothing at all.The sun had set. The room was dark. I was scared. I heard, "You will suffer." Then I noticed a table in the corner. On it was a document which I picked up. It contained the whereabouts of my family. The door burst open. I spun around, finding the doctor standing there, brandishing a knife in his hand. He sneered. "You have a choice....." "Give me the document and I will set you free. Otherwise I shall kill you. Make your choice now. I give you 5 seconds. 5. 4. 3. 2. 1!!!"

chapter 9. __The Last Clue__ by South Paris Collabortive (Long Island) **DONE EDITING** "Wait!" I scream. "First tell me who you are and why I am here."

"I am Dr. Bob Flynton. I worked with your parents in a lab for years." Dr. Flynton continued. "Your parents have a gene that can transform humans into mermaids. Together we created you. We kept you in a lab. Your parents wanted you to be free so they tried to get you away from the lab. I couldn't let that happen! I could make millions on your DNA. So I locked your parents in a secret location. And now, hand over those documents if you want to see your parents again."

I knew he lied. He would never let me see my parents. So, very slyly, I snatched the pages out of the folder and handed the empty folder to Dr. Flynton. Then, as he turned to the computer, I threw my empty laser gun at his head. He fell to the ground and I limped quickly out of the building.

I hid in an alley and looked at the papers. My parents were still alive and in a secret room in the Empire State Building. I was going back.

Back in NYC, I reread the papers to find that I needed to go to the top floor of the building and find the hidden door behind the painting. I had to lean on the painting to make it turn. Behind the painting was a slide that took me to the basement. There I opened the door and...all I found was Phonopeos,the monster, guarding another room. I could hear my parents yelling for help from behind the door. What could I do?

Chapter 10. Ms. Cofino & Mrs. Robertson (Bangkok, Thailand): **Battle With the Beast (done)**

Phonopeos lurched towards my shivering body. I leaped out of the way, hoping something or someone would come to my rescue. Sweat was dripping from my shaking body. Venom dripped between the spaces of Phonopeos fangs. The cries of desperation from my parents gave me a little bit of strength, but it wasn't enough. As I sped around it, Phonopeos grabbed me with it's massive, hairy claws. "Aughh!" I screamed "Let go!" As I squirmed, it slowly pulled me up and opened its gigantic jaws. As I was about to be dropped into its slimy gullet, I snapped opened my legs and stopped its jaws from snapping closed! I panicked, thinking to myself "What should I do?" My legs began to shake. I could barely hold its jaws open any more. But I couldn’t admit defeat so easily. Without hesitation, I jumped as high as I could! Phonopeos jaws snapped, and missed. Bang! My shoulder slammed into the marble floor. Weakly I rose to my knees. I had to save my parents but I was too frightened. Phonopeos turned to stare at me, his face pinched together like a pickle. I knew he would lunge at me any second! As if on cue, Phonopeos swiped at me with its razor claws. I swiftly ducked, avoiding the fatal blow. Instead, Phonopeos’ claw kept on swinging over me, right into the glass window pane. It hollered as the jagged shards of glass pierced his rugged skin. It was probably my best chance to escape, so I ran directly to the exit where I came in. I was so ashamed of deserting my parents. I heard a roar of anger from Phonopeos. He stomped his foot so hard the whole place began to collapse. Phonopeos had this very fierce and stiff look on his face. I risked this moment to rescue my family. I sprinted as fast as I could and I stopped next to the door where my family was. "Now is my chance to rescue them," I thought. I slowly reached for the doorknob. Behind me, Phonopeos roared. I stopped with my arm frozen straight in front of me. I was scared to look over my shoulder. The building was shaking like mad. I heard a scream. "This is my chance." I turned the doorknob quickly, and I gasped! My family was gone! I wondered if Bob Flynton took them. “Where could they be?" I thought. Suddenly, everything was dark and smoky.

chapter 11 The Final Struggle By Mr Jared Bennett's Grade 6 Class (Dundas Ontario, Canada)

I scan the room quickly. I have to find them and get home, I think. On the right a door swings silently, this is the only possibility. Inside the door is an elevator. I quickly jump in and press the down arrow. I am scared as I plummet down in the shaking elevator. I feel as if I will never find them.

Bang! The elevator lands in the basement. " Mom, Dad? It's me," I say, but all I can hear is a moan. I run up and I quickly untie them. There's no time for uniting. The building will fall any second. We sprint to the elevator to go up. The building shakes once again.

"It broke, GET OUT!" The building begins to fall, we jump out the window and land in a pile of broken pieces of the building, I'm not badly hurt, just a couple of scrapes. I have to quickly call the hospital, my dad dials 911 but the batteries die. I hear Bob Flynton limping towards me. "You and your parents belong to me now," he roars.

I run to pick something off the ground. I can't tell exactly what it is at this moment, but I can't waste anymore time! I throw the object at Bob. It hits him square in his chest and we hear a scream. Now we see a fin, Bob is transforming into a mermaid-man.

Bob screams. He is now a mermaid. He has a strange looking fin because of his limping leg and he is very angry. "AHHHHH!" he screams in pain. My parents and I stare at the transformed Bob. His new fin looks green with a slight tinge of yellow.

"We have to go!" yells my dad. The street we are on is filled with dark passages. We're well hidden.

"STOP!" I shout, "Why did you experiment on me in the first place?!"

"Bob forced us to do it. I thought I could fix it later when we had time. But we have been trapped for 5 years," says dad sadly.

"Thanks to you we are now reunited," mom says with a tear.

We walk over to the sandy beach, sit down, and watch the sun set over the rippling sea. Finally, a family again.

1. @mrmayo 2. @glassbeed 3. @njtechteacher 4. @arthus & co. 5. @GingerTPLC 6. @julielindsay 7. @tombarrett 8. @todbaker 9. @LParisi 10. @mscofino 11. @mrjarbenne